He sat by the bed in the dim candle lit
room watching closely while the small elderly lady occupying it slept. This was
his Mammie, and the only mother he had ever truly had if had a right to his own
opinion. No she was not blood kin, nor did she have the same color skin as he,
but she was important to him no matter. Memories flooding his mind and worry
kept him from falling asleep from pure exhaustion at this early hour in the
morning. He could not recall a single day of his entire twenty three years on
earth when this sweet lady was not present.
He could not remember when she first came to the Plantation owned by his
father but she had once told him that he was just a baby the day she came to be
his Mammie.
When he was only a small child he once
avoided a beating by his father because of her. She insisted that it was her
fault that there was ink splattered all over his father’s books in his study when
in fact it was he who decided to take on the role of his father and try to do
the books as his father did every evening. He had never been graceful but as a
small child no more than four years old he was even less so. So when he dipped
the pen into the ink sitting atop his father’s desk and he heard the dog in the
hall outside the door bark precisely at the same moment it was inevitable that
he jumped. As he did so his hand instinctively pulled back, the pen catching
and spilling every last drop of ink all over the desk and the books. Within a
few seconds of scrambled thoughts and grief he heard his mammie’s voice
sounding through the outside door calling his name and panic had struck. He
knew he was in trouble and that fear made him dart for cover. The door opened
and her head peeked around the door just enough to check to see if he was in
the room and just in time to catch his leg slipping under the desk. He could
hear the smile in her voice as she approached the desk saying, “come out, come
out where ever you are.” Then her footsteps froze and her voice went from
cheerful and playing to stern and upset. “You come out from under that desk right now.
Hiding aint gonna change this mess.”
He hated that tone in her voice and hiding
would not keep him from getting in trouble so he slowly pulled himself from
behind the desk. Mammie had the most worried look on and was taking her apron
off as she scrambled to the desk and pulled him up. She gave him her look of
boy you are in some trouble now and simply said “stand here and don’t move
while I clean this mess up.” He did as told and watched her try to clean the
ink with her most favorite apron she owned. As the ink soaked every inch of the
off white fabric tears began to roll down his cheeks. Even at such a young age
he knew the sacrifice she had just made for him and it made him love this woman
more than ever. She had spent hours sewing this simple piece of clothing and
only wore it when guest were coming to visit the house. He wanted to hug her
and tell her he loved her but just as he made his way to the desk to do so his
father came into the room. His face immediately turned blood red and the look
of murder in his eyes told his anger without a single word. He glared at her
and asked what had happened.
In
that moment, his sweet Mammie hung her head and said, “Sir, I am so sorry. I
came in here to get the boy from hiding and bumped the desk spilling the ink. I
was tryin’ to clean it sir I swear.” “And what of my books, those are
irreplaceable and the ink you spilled cost money. How do you plan on repaying
me for that loss?” was his father’s reply. She just bent her head down further
and said, “I can’t sir.” “Well I can tell you one way to repay me.” The look on
his father’s face was pure evil and a little of something else that he was much
too young to understand.
With that Mammie gave a look of fear and
sorrow and told him to go to his room. She then stood as tall as she could
while he made his exit. He did not see her again until the next morning and she
was just as cheerful and bright as the evening before and spoke not a word
about her punishment. He knew she had been punished though because he had heard
her screams. He did not go to his room as he was told to do; no instead he
stayed in the hallway right outside the door listening to everything. He heard
her screams, he heard his father’s whispers, he heard her sobbing, and he heard
his father’s moans. Again he did not understand those sounds then but he knew
what they were now. He also noticed as she opened the curtains and the sunlight
hit her face that she had a small cut on her right cheek and at that moment he
had so many emotions going through his heart at the same time. Love and respect
for this woman who raised him practically and red hot anger that boiled his
blood towards his father.
He heard her slight whimper and it
brought him back to the here and now. He glanced up and seen her son, Willie,
scrambling out of a nearby chair to be at her side. He looked around Willie so
as to see her face and seen the beads of sweat across her forehead in the
candle light. In his heart he knew that her fever had returned. He stood
himself and eased to be by her side just as Willie was and watched as she
barely opened her eyes. She looked at her son and gave the best smile she could
manage as she said, “Never forget who ya are in life and that I raised ya to be
a good and honest man. Do as you’re told and all will be right. I love ya and
wish I had mo time wit ya home. But that is not what tha Good Lord has in mind,
no it is time for me to go home now son.” He watched Willie’s face and instantly
felt as though he was intruding on an intimate moment. He began to step back
and out of the room when she glanced over at him. She reached her hand out to him but he looked
to Willie’s face. Willie gave a half smile that welcomed him to his mother’s
side. Sadness swept over him as he looked back to Mammie. She was pouring sweat
and you could see the pain she carried written all over the face of a once
beautiful woman. Now her face held wrinkles and age and her hair was no longer
solid black but stripped with white stands as well. She was old, sick, and she was going to die. The thought made his
heart drop deep into the pit of his stomach and he took her out stretched hand
in his. He gave her the best smile he could put on and watched as she did her
best to return the favor.
“Mammie, How can I” was all he could get
out before his voice cut off and he fought back the sobs trying desperately to
escape his body. “Be the man I raised ya to be just as I told Willie. Be a good
and honest man and treat everyone as equal no matter what background they come
from or what the color of their skin is. You’re a good man Lucas and I could
not be more proud of who you are. I have been so blessed in this life of mine.
I have lived a long life and God has blessed me with two sons, one I made own
my own and one that I have raised with my love.” With this last sentence she had to pause to
cough. When she finally caught her breath she reached over and grabbed Willie’s
hand and looked between the two men standing on each side of her. “You two look
at each other.” The two men did as told and looked at each other knowing full
well that they had no other choice. “You two boys come from my blood, sweat,
and tears. I gave all of myself to making sure that ya both will make it in
this corrupt world. I gave ya both the strength I had to take everything that
will come your way and keep going. Again, she had to pause to cough this time
longer. When she resumed speaking her words were much rougher and her breathing
was raspy. “Promise me that ya both will take care of each other. To me, both
of ya are my sons no matter the color of your skin. I need to know that you
both will watch over one another.”
Now she had tears in her voice and all Willie
and Luke could do is look at one another and back at the frail lady who was
asking a favor on her dying bed. Luke had always thought of Willie as a brother
but had no way of taking care of him or assuring his safety. His father was the
master and no one not even Luke went head to head with him. But how could he
deny his Mammie her dying request. He could see that Willie was thinking the
same thing that he was. All at once they both responded the same answer at the
same time. “Yes mam.” And with that his sweet Mammie, his only security in life
gave a small smile and took her last breath. One single tear rolled down her
cheek because at last she had no strength or will left to hold them back. She
was gone and he knew that this life of his would never be the same.
By: Desirae Bennett
© [Desirae DeVon Bennett] and [Entertaining Thoughts and Ideas], [2013-2014]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [Desirae DeVon Bennett] and [Entertaining Thoughts and Ideas] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Photo Credits:
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/35380/35380-h/35380-h.html
http://usslave.blogspot.com/2013/02/we-are-literally-slaves-early-twentieth.html
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