Friday, November 22, 2013

Child Bullying: Who Do We Blame?


I am sure that many of you have noted the anti-bullying campaigns flying around social media and everywhere for that matter.  I have heard many stories of children getting bullied recently. In fact, I went through something similar not too long ago with my sixteen-year-old sister. My question is why is this still an issue? We have all seen the results of bullying, and many have claimed to be against it. Why then, is it still such a common occurrence? Who is to blame? And why does it seem to be starting so early, as in Kindergarten?

I want to tell you my sister’s story first so that I can explain how I have a connection to the issue on a personal level. I am 28 years old, and my sister is 16. I have always been a big part of her life and when her father was not able to go to school to take care of things, I did. When she was in elementary school, she had some issues that made her very different from other children her age. It was in the third grade that she started showing signs of being bullied. So we, her father and I, sat down and asked her all about it. She explained that she was being made fun of at school and wanted to stop going to school. We explained to her that she was beautiful, and she would encounter people who were going to be hateful to her all of her life. She just needed to keep her head up and move forward. She did exactly that. This girl was a survivor I tell you! Every now and again, she would come home and cry and tell me how bad things were, but she never doubted that she was not good enough. She knew she was perfect! After the third grade, we moved. She went to a new school and all seemed fine for a few years. Then high school came, and it seemed we were right back to square one. This time, however, she was not going to take the bullying. So she began to get into arguments and even fights with people at school. I was called several times to meeting with the counselor and principal. They all told me she was a trouble maker. Her father and I were constantly punishing her for her actions. She kept complaining that she was only defending herself. I advised her to tell the counselor or principal then next time it happened instead of taking matters into her own hands. A few days later this girl began to attack my sister verbally at school again, and so she reported it. No action was taken against the student. The next day this same girl spits on my sister during a pep rally and she reports the event and again, no action was taken. I went the next day to report it to the principal. She assured me that this girl would be punished. The girl was never punished and the very next day the girl started again on my sister. This time there was a big fight with a teacher to witness the event. I attended a disciplinary hearing where my sister explained that she was tired of being bullied, and that is why she got into the fight. The director of the board of education’s response to her was “What exactly is your term of bullying? This word keeps getting thrown around these days. I see nothing of the sort in the situation that you could call bullying. None of your claims are considered bullying.” I was shocked! So if this is not bullying, what is? Needless to say my sister was sent to alternative school. She is a strong girl, and I am sure all will be well with her but what if she decided to end her life because of it all? We have heard of this happening before, it is not uncommon, as sad as it is.

I have seen other families going through the same thing. I know a boy with a form of Autism called Asperger. To make matters worse for this young man he comes from a family of giants. So he is a big boy. He is ten years old, 5’7, and at least two hundred pounds. There are things that trigger him, and he acts out sometimes. He is not the type of person who makes friends easy. These are all symptoms to his medical condition. I will not go into full detail, but I will say that this poor child has been picked on from day one in school. I do not know how much damage it can cause in the long run for a five-year-old  to have to worry about things like this, but I am sure that they are much worse than we think. I also just read on Facebook about a ten-year  old little girl getting made fun of for being over weight! Come on, what in the world are we the parents teaching our children? Is it even our fault?

Who can prevent this from happening? I do think it starts at home. I am constantly telling my children that they are not in any way better than the next person. I make sure they know how much I love them, how smart they are, how pretty they are, and how proud I am of them. When they notice that someone that is different I explain that they are smart in their own way, they are pretty in their own way, and I am sure that their mom and dad are very proud of them. I have never had a problem with my children being a bully. In fact, my son’s teacher tells me that my son is friends with everyone in class and is well loved by everyone. When he misses school, every student in the classroom notices and is upset by it.  I am proud of this fact!

I also feel that teachers and school faculty has a responsibility to the students. I think they should pay closer attention to each of their students so that when they notice a change in behavior, they can immediately reach out and take action. I do not feel like enough is done in schools to prevent students who are different from being made fun of. I also do not feel that enough is done to discipline known bullies.

I think the community needs to be involved. I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child. If the community is against bullying, then it will make it harder for the schools or parents to let it slide!

I encourage everyone to look at the bigger picture. I am not trying to make a political statement here, I am simply saying for the welfare of our children, even adults, in this world we need to do everything we can to stop this from happening. Children are killing themselves over this; people are dying over being bullied. I think it is way past time to STOP BULLYING!

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